honestly missionaries are evil. the idea of traveling the world to tell people Who Didnt Fucking Ask that their beliefs are wrong in the hopes that theyll adopt your beliefs seems sinister
The Best ATM Withdrawal Defense
I’m here for women with powerful dogs!
My land lady is a 90lb 88 year old woman with 5 full grown Rottweiler boys. They sit around her when she gardens and watch her like the secret service. If you show up to pay rent they all stand up and stand between you and her.
It’s intimidating to have 5 pony size boys all staring at you until she stands up realizes it’a you and walks to you.
My favorite part is she wades through them like swamp water saying in her cute old voice ‘move’ ‘move please’ and each one she nudges to move wags his whole body at her touch and stumbles out of the way like he’s been knocked over by a truck. It gives me life paying my rent.
fun fact: my parents got married on april fools day so when i was 7 i tried to be funny and i made them an anniversary card that said ‘your marriage is a joke’ and my mom cried
me, logging onto tumblr.com: what’s the tea today
tumblr: user cummy—eyelids has purchased a child’s skeleton for 30$ at a flea market and refuses to admit how massively unethical this is
me, logging off tumblr.com:
Casting director: we need the voice of pikachu to be a recognized name. It’s going to be tough to find a respectable actor wh
Ryan Reynolds: ME
Ryan Reynolds: I’LL DO IT
Ryan Reynolds: PIKA PIKA MOTHER FUCKER
please for the love of god turn ur sound on
Baby boomer goals: home ownership, 2.5 kids, dream vacations to florida/hawaii
Millenial goals: having any money left after bills, an apartment without roommates, dying quickly and painlessly in the initial nuclear exchange to avoid witnessing the collapse of humanity
Accurate
i want a fragrance made from roses, stardust, honey and siren tears
the-whovian-down-baker-street:
Millennials and Gen Z: Trump shows signs of being a genocidal dictator, we shouldn’t vote for him
Baby boomers: OOOOO Is your Safe Space being violated by his comments snowflake??? How AWFUL IT must be to have a REAL man for president instead of OoOoBamA
Trump, after being voted into office: *leaves the UN human rights council, puts hundreds of young children into prison camps and tent cities, takes away valuable items like rosaries similar to the removal of rings during the Holocaust, puts babies and toddlers into foster homes/orphanages, literally treats ACTUAL CHILDREN like prisoners for wanting a better life elsewhere*
Baby boomers: oh….oh no….
Millennials and Gen Z: *stare into the camera like they’re on the office*
bold of you to assume the boomers have reached the “oh no” point